Relating to the serious issue of cancer lately , on a thread I follow a FB friend asked the rhetorical question, “When is a tumor just a tumor?”  The answer, “When it is someone else’s.”   I recalled the coaching I received lately and the coaching I gave myself over the least 6-8 months as I went through my experience with cancer.  “Yes, news of a tumor is something you may treat casually. Until it’s your tumor.”

I knew this was my answer because I did what I call, “the hard walk,” through my HPV base of tongue cancer recently, October ’16 through April ’17.  I took this walk in my best integrated, highly holistic fashion.  As an Integral warrior shaman I took the holonic approach, meaning from the bottom up and from the top down.

I accepted institutional medicine’s clinical protocol of chemo and radiation to eliminate The Uninvited Guest {the moniker I gave the stage 3-4 tumor} while embracing and facing this guest in yoga, with lots of meditation before, during and after my chemo and radiation regimen, and by taking the critical approach of etiology, the so-called psychosomatic or spiritual Origin of this “dis ease,” neither molecular nor genetic. In other words while I let clinicians do their thing it was me managing my dark journey from beginning to end. But the end is not here yet. My life spiritual practice asked and embraced the question of what the meaning of this uninvited guest in my throat meant.  I completely disallowed the physicians and clinicians to ever dictate the terms of my self management. I witnessed to doctors, nurses and techs alike my both you and her and direct questioning I put off their presuppositions. Mostly I felt I was in a factory, having gone to a large university medical center.

Darkness” is a good metaphor I think for this shadowy enemy to my mind body health. I recommend all to see it as a shadow in the psyche with personal ramifications in every case of course. Thus each person in his or her personal and Family and friends network is called upon to both check their resources and double check their own strengths and shadows within themselves. For this “deep walk” will demand this of each person for sure. Even in traditional terms it is a “dark night of the soul.”

Crucially, with an energy coach’s support, I looked at what my voice is, what it means, and how I was or was not using it, resident temporally as it was materially in my throat. Her consistent view on how I created this event and the question ‘what is it here to teach me,?’ were what I would have done if I had not reconnected with her six months my HPV discovery.  I learned and practice a new gestalt to view my childhood and my choice of parents.  I’d been emotionally ‘orphaned’ at birth; I grew a system of defenses to survive and thrive on my own. I have a friend who recommended all alternative remedies, and I have another friend who chose to monitor his prostate cancer with no treatment.

The point is each person identifies and chooses for themselves what is their “Way.” It is no different for anyone; we all interpret and choose our way according to our unique profile within the four quadrants, so to speak. This is to recognize the material and the immaterial Way of entering into any circumstance we seem, I say seem, not to have chosen, but we did, mysteriously, by way of our learning, growth and to utilize our several and different and personal resources, aka our ultimate values, our ‘sacred’, a projected Trusted Source we envision or contemplate perhaps, .. and whatever are our sources of their renewal.  In any case the walk is difficult, challenging, and throws us down on the table of our own reality.  Wake up, grow up, clean up.

Our daily choices do now and always predicate our Selves in our stages of growing up, waking up, cleaning up.

In this regard these uninvited guests in our mind body systems are experienced as reminders of our accountability to our hearts, our souls, our existential Oneness, and each of the levels of consciousness, the states, the typology, and our lines of intelligence, … their unique configuration in what is unique in each case of us.

Yes this includes the questions of dualism, the material versus the material, but that is just the beginning. To call it a life-changing experience, is to say the least. Gratitude may not always be easy to come by but I am grateful for the many reminders the walk gave to me towards the gifts and the responsibilities of my life.

I am, I was, all about ‘self-management.’ As I said, I just kept “walking,” moving forward with it. It’s very much became a day to day, in the moment, one day at a time walk. One must marshal, steward, preserve, conserve ones energy.
We do not know what resources we have until they are tested. Many elements came together for me in my walk, spiritually speaking…. I did not spend a lot of time researching to get into medical facts. I did not want to give my power, so to speak, to that “merely science” limited dimension of my “uninvited guest.”
More significant was my envisioning “it” within my inner room and having dialogue with it as I went through the regimen, visualizing it’s shrinkage and complete elimination, as any one might act toward an uninvited guest. Similarly I did not get too cozy with the doctors. They seemed mostly distracted anyway by other things. I did establish a dialogue with the chemo nurses and the radiation techs, but that’s as far as I went while maintaining my inner focus and strength. For what it’s worth, I recommend this top down, bottom up holonic approach, #3.
One will discover who among family and acquaintances are your real friends too. It’s natural for people to shy away from danger, the frightening, suffering, pain, the unknown. I’m very grateful for those who proved themselves and stayed in company with me.

“The light in me, honors the light in you.”