It is one year now since I was first suspected, then biopsied to prove I had HPV cancer. My healing was accomplished with hospital science and medicine, coaching from a mature energy healer, an RN’s advocacy, a bad weekend through the ER, telling all the Radiation and Oncology medical staff I have “other resources,” and meditation every step of the way, while receiving chemo (6x) and radiation (30x) over a six-week regimen.
“I just kept walking,” is how I tell my story now. On that walk I counted every day in every week in my six week regimen. I was doing fine I thought, “this ain’t so bad,” over confident until 3.5 weeks in. Then I hit a wall, hard. I crashed, mostly physically. I lost energy and strength, fast. What was left of my appetite went out the window. I lost 25 pounds in 25 days. I was so weak I could barely lift my leg in the shower to wash. Friends brought me soup and the solace of their presence.
All the while I lined this dark and somber passage, this tunnel, with an awareness of my “I,” my Self that is greater than the “dis-ease.” With my coach energy guide we looked into the cause and purpose of this lump in my throat, my “base-of-tongue laryngeal squamous cell carcinoma.” In my Inner Room, my decades-old meditation space I envisioned and named the tumor mass “my uninvited guest.” I brought it into my inner vision, my witnessing state, embraced it and “made friends” with it, and talked it through my day to day “walk.” I frankly discussed my intention with it to eradicate it,and then watched it dissolve bit by bit over the six week regimen. In this way of “embracing” it I acknowledged its purpose and existence while putting boundaries on it. I am the owner of this body and soul, not IT. I made this clear. It appreciated the acknowledgement in truth, and acquiesced.
It did not resist because I was not resisting it, its presence, only its time line, its presence for a duration of time. I used two images. The first I seated th eUninvited Guest opposite me, in my long ago designed and furnished space. It is an isolate pine cabin on a steep hill slope. In it one entire wall is a French window facing the hillside of total green leaves and vegetation. I faced my guest and spoke with it,and watch it dissolve, cell by cell as it were, diminishing in size a bit in each visit with it there. I bansihed or sent away each bit of it through another visual device I imported for the purpose, a small but powerful incinerator that led into the stratosphere and beyond, that is, the cold empty darkness of “outer space,” the distant cosmos of dark matter, in other words, Nothingness. Cancer malignant cells, meet your end. You are gone into Nothingness.
Second, I used the prosaic metaphor or image of a football field, 100 yards long, the measurement of which became the exact length of my six week, 6×5=30 day, regimen in chemo and radiation, Mondays chemo in a chair for two hours, Monday through Friday in the radiation burn machine, 7 minutes, 10 seconds at a time. To add to the image I rode a horse, a special white horse, a hero horse whose image I borrowed from the movie “Harry and Snowman,” I’d seen recently. Snowman, the all-white horse, was saved by Harry from the glue factory. Together, true story, they’d become a national champion field jumper team. So the horse saved the man after the man saved the horse. Together they became in fact an unstoppable force as jumper partners.
So I rode that horse in clear imagery in my times meditation. I did this at home often but most assidously in my radiation treatement itslef. This is when I was laid out in a two-tone donout shaped advanced technology radiation machine, an exact measured, medically calculated to the size and dimensions of my tumor, 7 minutes and 10 seconds at a time, thirty times over six weeks, five days a week. to which I submitted my body but not my soul, as it were!
And with me I rode with “Charlie,” my Inner Boy, my carefree 8-year-old Self, my Self before trauma and travail of life challenged or subverted my innocence and joy of youth itself. The image of Charlie is my energy of healing from that time, the energy of life and the innocent joy of Being – one that jumped in leaf piles, lept from high walls in daring myself, and climbed tall trees like a monkey with his posse for fun. A toe-headed happy kid doing his toe-headed happy thing.
All these images I used and maintained over the length of my walk. Together the focus and energy of them guided my soul and higher mind to look at and query what this Guest was doing in my larynx, my throat, my Voice. My Voice had been my profession and my life. I wanted it back. In tact, renewed, re-purposed.
So it it as your therapist, counselor and coach.. in the Business of Soul, as I an led to call it. The Inner work of healing, forgiving, know and claiming one’s Self and Purpose, one’s heart on the path of Waking Up, Growing, Cleaning Up and Showing Up.
My the wound in my throat, my Voice, was healed. To carry on my work, today, a year after my diagnosis. In addition now my exercise regimen of yoga and swim are back, three and four times a week. And I ride my motorcycle as I wish, fast, with skill, as sport. I love my friends, family with more open heart Presence; I practice non-judgment more and more; I give gratitude and compassion more consciously, as ever. In addition I meet new people in my heart and with my Voice.
It is called the Integral Way. To it I invite you. To get the support that can heal or cure, as
Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there a wound you need to heal? Is there a fear you need to face? Do you have hard choices to make? Do you want out of some persistent pain and suffering, something trying to teach you a new way of seeing things and acting? Are you tired of the confusion that so afflicts our country’s psyche today?